your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
