Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
