Heybabeimwearingurpanties
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
