i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
