I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
