and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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