He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
