Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Come see our sink grown plant.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
we should paint friendship bongs
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