so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
