i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
