i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think my vagina is haunted
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
