You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
