i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
