the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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