you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
