Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
