did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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