How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
