I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
How's work?
Spinning.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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