found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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