either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
