I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
