I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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