Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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