This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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