He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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