There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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