DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
