you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
