he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
