...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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