Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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