It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
