dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
