We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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