ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
