At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
