When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
