it wasn't lemon gatorade
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
