a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
