Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
