Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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