your thong is hanging out like whoa
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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