You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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