Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
