You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
