Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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