I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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