a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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