If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Everyone says I win the strip club
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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