My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
