When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
honey bunches of taint.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
