Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He shit in the fireplace
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
