Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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